The manservant and
the soldier are making their way through the villa. The soldier is
the son of the villa’s owner and has finally returned from the war.
Capitano: Thank you
manservant, I wish to be alone now. Please do not disturb me further.
I will see you again tomorrow.
Arlequino: Of
course, sir, and it’s so nice to have you back after all these long
years.
Capitano: Thank you
but now I wish to be alone.
The manservant
leaves the room and then enters again
Arlequino: Do you
have need of anything, sir?
Capitano: You
idiotic swine, did you not hear I wished to be alone?
Arlequino: My
apologies, sir, I’ll leave
Capitano: No, stay
so I can tell you how stupid you are for not leaving me alone
Arlequino: errr…
Capitano: I have
just returned from a war, you know. I lost my arm, my leg, both of my
eyes, my spine, my stomach and my sense of humour.
Arlequino: But sir,
you are physically fine.
Capitano: I found
them again, you swine-hair dressed son of a backwards mule riding
wood gatherer. All except for my sense of humour.
Arlequino: My mother
does not…
Capitano: I’m rich
so I’m always right. Why are you still here?
Arlequino: You told
me to stay.
Capitano: No, I
didn’t. Don’t start spreading vile rumours, you monkey-washing
oddhaired son of an Arctic Baboon
Arlequino: Why is my
hair odd?
Capitano: It does
not have an even number of hairs in it. Everyone knows having 120
hairs on their head is a sign of godlike perfection. Now why I am not
alone yet?
Arlequino: I…
Capitano: Stay, I
must insult you more, you table-fucking, bucketpraising,
cow-worshipping, spaghettisniffing, airbreathing, rat-dressed spawn
of a Wi-Fi-stealing, hay-sniffing, well-pissing, scissor-breaking,
tooth-licking, spider-eating, sun-staring, wig-wearing Bulgarian ice
cream vendor.
Capitano: Just go,
so I can be alone and contemplate being alone in a philosophical
sense
Arlequino: I’m
going and I will not disturb you anymore… When should I wake you?
Capitano: Out
- Ruben Dewulf
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